I’ve been enjoying conversations with parents to learn more about their perspectives on educating children about molestation, abuse and inappropriate touch. There are many different opinions and viewpoints, and it can be challenging to consider or admit that this terrible ‘thing’ may have happened to your child or the child of someone you know. It’s so much easier to ignore than to face, but the value of being open-minded enough to consider the possibility may prove to be priceless for that child. Most people believe that if their child is acting “normal,” then they have no reason to suspect abuse. Unfortunately, that is not true.1
The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) reports that it’s not always easy to spot sexual abuse because perpetrators often take steps to hide their actions. The child often knows the perpetrators and usually trusts the person so they may not always show apparent signs of abuse. Some of the behavioral and emotional signs of child molestation or abuse include: Keeping secrets or not talking as much as usual; Not wanting to be left alone with certain people or being afraid to be away from primary caregivers, especially if this is a new behavior; Regressive behaviors or resuming behaviors they had grown out of, such as thumb sucking or bedwetting; Overly compliant behavior; Sexual behavior that is inappropriate for the child’s age; Spending an unusual amount of time alone; Trying to avoid removing clothing to change or bathe; Change in eating habits; Change in mood or personality, such as increased aggression; Decrease in confidence or self image; Excessive worry or fearfulness; Increase in unexplained health problems such as stomach aches and headaches; Loss or decrease in interest in school, activities, and friends; Nightmares or fear of being alone at night; and Self-harming behaviors.1
This information may seem overwhelming to some parents because speaking with your child about sex or inappropriate touch at a young age can feel invasive. RAINN suggests starting conversations about safety when your kids are young. Providing children with the appropriate tools will set them up for success and decrease the potential for unwanted abuse. Most parents have nicknames for private body parts. This can be one way to start a conversation.2
Teaching your children that it’s okay to say “no” or to speak up when they feel uncomfortable are great ways to engage in conversations. Another topic could be secrets and why they matter. It’s important to teach children at every age, that it is appropriate and necessary to listen to their ‘gut’ and if something feels ‘off,’ it’s likely that it is. According to several sources (Metro Family Magazine),3 (The Bump),4 and (Bounty),5 children understand the word ‘no’ around nine months old. This basic understanding of the word can be critical as children get older and learn the importance of using the word “no” when they feel uncomfortable or threatened. If you are interested in becoming a member and gaining access to our Resource Center ($10/month or $99/annually), visit https://advocatefortheinnocent.org/memberships/ to learn more.
1 – https://www.rainn.org/articles/warning-signs-young-children
2 – https://www.rainn.org/articles/talking-your-kids-about-sexual-assault
3 – https://www.metrofamilymagazine.com/ask-the-experts-when-should-you-expect-your-baby-to-respond-to-the-wordno/#:~:text=Sunshine%20Cowan%3A%20According%20to%20KidsHealth,doing%20to%20look%20at%20us.
4 – https://www.thebump.com/a/when-will-baby-understand-no
5 – https://www.bounty.com/baby-0-to-12-months/development/understanding-the-word-no