According to a National Parent Teacher Association article, an estimated 1 in 12 children in the U.S. will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18. As we head into the holidays, we are often reminded about the loss of those we loved. It’s important to provide opportunities for your children to express their feelings and process the complexities of loss and grief.1
As we know, grief can be especially difficult during the holidays. It’s important to talk about it and support children who may be feeling sad or alone. Helping children understand their feelings and offering comfort can make a big difference. By talking openly about grief, we can dissolve feelings of isolation and loneliness. Facing the loss together can help kids feel better during tough times.2
Grief exposes itself in many ways. You might see behaviors like temper tantrums, clinginess, hyperactivity, or trouble focusing. Children often grieve in bursts, so they may cry one moment about their loss and then be laughing or playing just minutes later.1 As they grow and reach new stages in their development, their grief will also change, so it’s important to continue supporting them through their feelings. Listed below are myths and realities about children’s grief: 2
- Myth: Children and adults grieve the same way
Children’s grief is experienced and expressed differently than adult grief - Adults should withhold information to protect children
The lack of information can be more harmful for children than the information itself - Adults should hide their pain from kids
Children and teens need to witness adults experience grief and loss - It’s unhealthy for a child to talk about—or talk to—someone who died
Continuing bonds with the person who died is a healthy part of adjusting to the loss - Certain youth are desensitized to loss
Some young people have been conditioned to hide their grief to maintain a sense of safety
When children aren’t given the information they need, they often fill in the gaps with their own thoughts, which can be more frightening than the truth. As adults, we sometimes try to hide our emotions, thinking it’s a way to be strong, but children notice this and may think they should hide their feelings too. Letting children see us express our emotions will help them understand that it’s okay to feel and share their own feelings, which is crucial for their emotional growth. If you are interested in becoming a member and gaining access to our Resource Center ($10/month or $99/annually), visit https://advocatefortheinnocent.org/memberships/ to learn more.
1 –https://judishouse.org/research-tools/cbem/
2 – https://ptaourchildren.org/five-myths-about-childrens-grief/