When I was young, we went to a family friend’s house for a barbeque. They had a German Shepherd and it was friendly, but I was terrified of the dog because of its sheer size compared to me. I was hanging onto my mom’s leg hoping the dog would keep its distance when it came charging in my direction. I raised my hand to protect myself and the dog misinterpreted my movement and bit me on the ear. It wasn’t a terrible bite, but it bled and my fear of dogs increased significantly after that experience. I don’t fear dogs now, but I am more cautious about how I interact with or approach them.
Children may never express their feelings through words, but you can usually tell when their behavior is “off” or something may be wrong. The amount of negative and scary experiences that our children face today is overwhelming. How many friends or family members do you know that have admitted to not watching the news periodically because it becomes too much to handle? Fortunately, most children don’t watch the news daily, but they do have a significant amount of exposure through their phones, social media platforms, school and other activities. When children are exposed to violence or man-made/natural disasters, they may experience a range of emotions including fear, confusion, sadness and anger. To counteract those feelings and give reassurance, you can provide opportunities for your children to express how they feel and channel those feelings into positive actions.1
The Parent Teacher Association (PTA) provides the following recommendations:1
- Prepare – come to terms with your feelings; explore and discuss perspectives with other adults
- Be Alert – recognize signs of anger or fear (withdrawal, lack of interest, acting out)
- Listen – show intentionality when having the conversation; clarify questions to better understand
- Reassure – review the facts of what happened and reassure children that they should feel safe
- Be Honest – answer questions as honestly as possible; admit mistakes; seek truth if uncertain
- Share Your Perceptions – share your perceptions/feelings; avoid unnecessary details
- Take Action – inform children they are not powerless; have an action plan for emergencies
Uncomfortable discussions often lead to avoidance and you are providing a great disservice to your children by not addressing these very important topics. If having these discussions is easier going out for ice cream or maybe taking a walk in the park, take the appropriate steps to make yourself feel comfortable to start the conversion. Our children deserve to feel safe and protected, and we live in a world that provides very little of either. If you are interested in becoming a member and gaining access to our Resource Center ($10/month or $99/annually), visit https://advocatefortheinnocent.org/memberships/ to learn more.
1 – https://www.pta.org/home/family-resources/health/Discussing-Difficult-Situations-With-Your-Children